Because Auntie needs to vent before she blows...

[Auntie Cheesus]

Work is beginning to get strange. Since October, management has decided to expand my office space because I'm expected to turn out somewhere between 400-1200 new PCs for the client in 4 months.

My office has gone from a broom closet to a suite in an area where there are only 2 other people. I now have a reserved parking space, an office with private refrigerator and microwave and a private entrance.

I also have a pain in my ass known as "the new girl". She claimed 8 years of IT experience, but can't run a chkdsk command with me telling her the exact command, including drive and switches. Okay, I understand not everyone knows how a command line works. However, she also doesn't understand you can only install one program at a time; that when you back up a drive, you make damn sure you get the documents and .PST files; that when you're booting into safe mode with networking to add a machine to the domain because the morons back east decided to only allow access to the machine administrator account when in safe mode, you do not have to read me the entry screen and I shouldn't have to hold your damn hand on simple tasks.

HOWEVER[/i], I shouldn't have to tell you that when you're 5'2" and 200 pounds, you NEED to wear shirts that come down past the waist on your pants and you don't talk about how you're having gastrointestinal cramps when we have a fucking customer in the office. I sure as Hell have no control over cafeteria pricing, so stop whining about the price. I have even less control over how far my office is from the cafeteria. I guarantee the customers on the phone do not give a flying rat's ass that you're new to the team, they just want you to either hand me the phone or write down their number so I can call them back.

When rebuilding the .OST file after reimaging a computer, DO NOT SIT THERE READING THE EMAILS AS THEY COME IN.

I assure you I do not ever want to hear another fucking word about your political or religious beliefs in the office, particularly after you asked me if I'm a Satanist. Save that for off-property, where I will never encounter your ass.

Honest to God, tomorrow's call with the manager is not going to be pretty. Ms. Remote Manager wants to know what I think of your technical and customer service skills. I'm going to have to answer honestly.

Okay, I feel better now.

[Auntie Cheesus]

Thankfully, this one is not a protected species. She was hired to handle tickets as back fill for one of our guys that is temporarily stuck on project work.

I work for a lovely Fortune 100 company. That is cutting some 5000 middle to upper management positions this year. I'm more protected than my pain in the ass, because I'm considered by our customer to be integral to a huge XP to 7 migration project, which is why I was moved from the broom closet and my boss wants me happy.

[Auntie Cheesus]

Yesterday was... odd. A full "blue badge", seven way conference call to discuss the temp. Three of us had to walk to other spots on campus, because this dizzy bint tries to stick like glue to us. I escaped to my car, parked on the roof of the garage and lit a cigarette to keep her from me.

It seems that the agency that sent her resume over either edited the resume or the temp puffed it, and the hiring team didn't bother to fully vet it.

Her resume claimed she holds an MCSE, in addition to A+, Net +, and Security + certifications. She claims to have worked IT for financial institutions. Subsequent, subtle questioning discovered that she only studied for an MCSE back in the 90's, she barely passed her A+, she does NOT have a Net+ or Security+ and her "financial institution IT experience" consisted of doing sporatic, single day hardware replacements at banks.

The team manager got an earful of comments concerning the trainee's inappropriate attire, comments and flatulence. TM also got an earful about her lack of technical prowess. Then TM asked if perhaps instead of having the trainee handle calling customers and fixing issues by remote control, she could be part of my ship from site migration crew. The work load manager (it seems like everyone is a "manager" around there) answered the question:

"Cheesus has fixed herself up a repair bench where she can handle up to 7 repairs at a time. After a week of explaining to this new hire what processes are needed for backing up each of the 3 different division images (East, West and SL), Cheesus actually printing the documentation for working each different image, Cheesus going into her own pocket to buy notebooks for the trainee to make notes AND pointing out to the trainee she has 40 feet of whiteboard on the wall for additional notes, she's hard pressed to work on a single machine by herself as Cheesus handles 3 or 4 simultaneously. Cheesus literally works circles around the new woman. This new woman can't even figure out how to answer the phone, forcing Cheesus to wear a headset for each ear and deal with both the depot line and her direct line. I suspect if you forced Cheesus to work with her full time, we'd come in some Monday morning to fresh paint on the walls, new carpeting on the floor and no sign of the new woman."

TM: "Well, shit. Keep her busy until I can get a replacement."

Me: "If the hiring process around here wasn't so fucking convoluted, I could get a half dozen QUALIFIED people for this team."

tl;dr: new chick lied and is only employed until a replacement can be hired.

[Auntie Cheesus]

A couple of years ago, my husband and I were looking for work. We were called in by a technical placement firm that just LOVED our resumes.

As soon as we came into the offices for a meet and greet, the recruiter started discussing with us what needed to be added/dropped from our resumes.

My husband, in a loud, clear and Brooklyn accented voice said to the guy "Are you asking us to LIE to get ourselves placed for your agency?"

Damn idiot was trying to pass a couple of PC techs off as regulatory auditors simply because we'd worked for a telecom.

[hobblekitty]

Dude, I realize I am late to this conversation, and I also realize I am not advanced enough in my studies to qualify as an "IT Professional" yet, but by the Gods, even I know a few CLI commands, though admittedly more in Linux than I do in Windows, but chkdsk is pretty fuckin basic. I don't understand how someone could have the balls to get a job in IT when they don't know such basic stuff.

Why one Earth would she ask if you are a Satanist!? Like what the serious fuck?